dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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