apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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