Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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