this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
