She said her name was "party"
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
