just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
