I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
