We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
