yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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