So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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