why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
