On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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