He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
