He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
