and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
