then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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