you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
