O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
