i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
