There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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