I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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