quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
