Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
