so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
