haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
