Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
