I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
