please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
