he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
