Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
