Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
