I'm drive I can fine osifer
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
