just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
