she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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