how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
