hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
