I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and she was petting her beer can
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
wow bdsm is so cute
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
