I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
