And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
