i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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