I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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