ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
