i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
