I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
