It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
