Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
