Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
