if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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