oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
And then he peed in my hair
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