All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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