I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
