I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
